4 Simple Ways Black Moms Can Cultivate Self-Love

By: Nicki Reid, Bilingual BA

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Raise your hand if you are a Mama that wears multiple hats! I know I’m not alone because being a Mama in and of itself comes with having to fulfill multiple roles. We spend our time: nurturing, caretaking (kissing boo-boos), cleaning butts, wiping faces teaching, chauffeuring, cooking, refereeing, making appointments, taking inventory of household needs (food, clothing, etc.), meal planning, meal prepping - I can go on…As a wife, mama, business owner, daughter, niece, friend, granddaughter and so much more, I know firsthand how easy it is to allow my self-care to slip through the cracks. In my humble opinion, each one of those hats is its own full-time job. They each consume so much time, effort, attention, energy, etc. So, it is critical that we practice giving back to ourselves the things that we freely give to everyone else; otherwise, we can quickly find ourselves in a depleted state.

Historically, our ancestors toiled on and off the fields. They were forced to work in inhumane conditions. Today, capitalism would have us work the same (if not more) if we allowed it. Our ancestors fought for our freedom in every respect. The freedom to: breathe, exist, live, REST. To honor their legacy, we MUST rest; because they couldn’t, because we need to, and because it is our birthright. This inclination to grind ourselves into the ground and be productive has been deeply embedded into our beings. It is important that we break these patterns, not only for ourselves but also for our children who are watching us. Since we are Black history in the making and our children are the future, we must teach them that it is OKAY to rest. Make no mistake, as Black Mothers who are raising Black children every day, parenting is our activism. We are learning, growing, healing (both individually and collectively), breaking generational curses, creating new legacies for our families, and much more. In order to be present for one of the most important callings we will ever assume, we must make room for the activism that we do. Create space by loving yourself proudly and apologetically. What that looks like will vary from person to person. But if you’re unsure of where to begin, you may find the following helpful:

1. Give yourself permission to not be on all the time. READ THAT AGAIN. We are moms 24/7 and 365 days of the year, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be on all the time. If we are not intentional about this, burnout is inevitable. My lived experience has taught me that I cannot mother from the place that I desire to when I am running on empty. When’s the last time you had some alone time Mama? Some things I enjoy doing alone are: booking a weekend at a hotel, spending time in nature by going for a walk, or going out for a drive (I’ll pick up a beverage of my choice and take the scenic route), pampering myself (booking a facial, massage, etc.).

2. Be open to receiving help, guilt-free. There is NO SHAME  in admitting that you cannot do it all on your own and you need help. Mama, we were NEVER meant to do it alone. We are communal people and it truly does take a village. Call upon your loved ones for support. Outsource if necessary and hire a nanny or babysitter if you’re able to. Do whatever is required to free up some time for yourself.

3. Be present for the people that matter the most to you. Sometimes, I get caught up with completing my day-to-day tasks and when my children want my time, I’m preoccupied. At times, I have to remind myself that the household chores will always be there. Slowing down to be present with them has been a beautiful reminder that it is okay to play with them and enjoy their precious giggles that warm my soul.

4. Forgive yourself. Release the notion of the perfect mom. Newsflash, it doesn’t exist. We don’t do ourselves any favors by beating up on ourselves because we are having a human experience. If you took a misstep (or several) along your parenting journey, that’s okay. Remember, extend to yourself the same grace that you would to others. Take the time you need to regroup and when you’re ready, make amends. 

If you haven’t heard it today, Mama, you are doing a FANTASTIC job! 

Every day, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am doing the best job that I can with what I have and that is good enough!”

Mama - hold yourself, hug yourself, love yourself; because you are worthy and deserving of the love you shower upon others. 

Take deep care and be well Mamas.

Nicki Reid, Bilingual BA‍

Certified Transformational Coach | Certified Essential Oil Specialist |

Certified ARōMATOUCH Practitioner | 200 YTT , Wholesome Mind Health Coaching